Stay
by superstar727
Summary: Songfic. Decisions and regrets, will they have to live with it or will one of them change?  One shot.


Rain pounded at the window but the girl didn't notice. Huddled on her bed in a room she out-grew years ago was a young woman who didn't care about the weather. If she had noticed she may have remarked that the window was just a mirror, the raindrops equal to the tears running silently down her cheeks. Or maybe she wouldn't be bothered with being poetic and just reflect that it was another day in London, nothing remarkable about it.

Her mother had left a while ago to get some groceries, without turning off the radio, for which she was glad as the background chatter helped keep her from focusing on her thoughts, or memories. It wasn't until the station actually played a song that she paid any attention to what she was hearing.  
The soft melody sounded sad, so she got up to turn it off – the last thing she needed was some stupid song to make her cry more.  
The intro didn't last as long as expected and the lyrics had started as she entered the kitchen.  
The music made it harder to ignore her thoughts.

_You say I only hear what I want to_

_And you say I talk so all the time_

_So_

She heard what he said, always did, just didn't follow it to the letter; wandering off occasionally, but she'd always find her own way, or he'd find her.

_And I thought what I felt was simple_

_And I thought that I don't belong_

_And now that I am leaving_

_Now I know that I did something wrong_

_Cause I missed you, yeah, missed you_

She thought she loved him and it would be okay, but she kept forgetting he's not just a normal man. She remembers when she left, thinking it was the right thing at the time but regretting so much now, the pain was unbearable.  
She misses his face, his voice, his smile, she doesn't think there will ever be a day that she won't.

_You say I only hear what I want to_

_I don't listen hard, don't pay attention_

_To the distance that you're running to anyone, anywhere_

_I don't understand if you really care_

_I'm only hearing negatives, no, no, look back_

Maybe it was good she didn't always listen to what he said, even when he ran away and left her for a French bird and then explained it was for her, for history, her history. And she understood, but it still hurt, still felt like rejection, still was hard to look back at, specially now.

_So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up_

_And this woman was singing my song_

_Lovers in love and the others run away_

_Lover is crying cause the other won't stay_

She pretended, tried to ignore it, like earlier with the background noise, but it never worked. He scared off any chance she ever had with anyone else, which was okay because all she ever wanted was him, but he wouldn't have her either. Wouldn't stay for her.

So here she is, listening to the radio, tears running down her cheeks, remembering everything she fought not to.

_Some of us hover while we're waiting for the other_

_Who was dying since the day they were born_

_Well this is not that I think that I'm throwing_

_But I'm thrown_

She waited five and a half hours, would have waited longer, for him. But that's the problem, she'll wait forever but she'll run out of time, her heart beats its way to its last, but not his, his will go on, always go on.

She didn't want to hurt him, didn't mean to by leaving him, she just wanted to protect herself from the pain.

_And I thought I'd live forever_

_But now I'm not so sure_

_You try to tell me that I'm clever_

_But that won't take me anyhow or anywhere with you_

She willingly gave him her forever, but he didn't want it, didn't believe it could be his; that she would give it all up for him. He tried to tell her it wasn't smart, that she deserved better and should go with it, but that's not how she saw it. And now she was stuck, not going anywhere.

_You said that I was naive_

_I thought that I was strong_

_I thought; hey I can leave, I can leave_

_Oh but now I know that I was wrong_

_Cause I missed you_

_Yeah, I missed you_

She thought she could handle it, just being friends, but he wasn't even trying, he couldn't. So she left and now she just wishes he'd come back and forgive her this grand mistake, and move on, together.

Oh God how she missed him.

_You said you caught me cause you want me_

_And one day you'll let me go_

_You try to give away a keeper_

_But keep me cause you know you're just so scared to lose_

He said she could stay as long as she wanted, wouldn't force her either way. Said it was her choice but still he tried to influence it, bringing with them someone she used to love, hoping she would go back to him while pleading with his eyes for her not to leave him alone.

Remembering those sad eyes made her hate herself for leaving him.

_And you say, stay_

But he didn't, oh how she wished he had.

_You say, I only hear what I want to_

The last line broke her.

"Oh Doctor, if only you had said what I wanted to hear, I would have stayed with you forever, I would have found a way."

Fresh tears slid from her eyelashes and she scrubbed at them quickly as the sound of footsteps approached, her mother wouldn't want to find her crying still.

The music ended and she turned the radio off.

The door opened more quietly than usual and the footsteps got closer, but she did not turn around. She stood, waiting for the familiar jumble of questions about how she was, to come flying from her mother's mouth.

The footsteps stopped and an unexpected voice asked her a different question.

"Rose?"


End file.
